The Kind of Love I Was Created for

By Maria Ignas (BA 25) 

I recently got coffee with a girlfriend I met in my first-year breakout group almost three years ago. It’s a special friendship. As I left, I thought about how lucky I am to have connections that have lasted the span of my college journey. I wouldn’t be who I am without them.

The relationships we form, form us.

You can’t escape this life unscathed by other people. It’s how God designed us. He gave us hearts that can’t help but scrape against each other, sharpening and piercing one another simultaneously.

Community in college isn’t limited to other students. I’d like to share three kinds of relationships I formed at Grace. If you’re considering higher education, maybe this will help you understand the kind of community you’re looking for.

Friends

Like many, I struggled to belong during my freshman year. I looked at oversized friend groups and wondered why I wasn’t popular or well-liked enough to be invited into them. But there lived other girls in my hall who were better for me. That same year, I met some of my closest friends.

Rachel is an eco-art major, and she’s one of the most environmentally-conscious and creative people I know, whether she’s making prints of plants or taking award-winning photos of Megan and me. 

Megan and her twin, Val, have that rare mix of gentleness and humor that makes them so extremely likeable. They grew up in China, and their adventurous spirits took them to study abroad in South Korea this semester.  

I became friends with Bella and Lillee towards the end of my sophomore year. I was struck by their honesty, wit, and ambition, and I still admire those qualities today.

My college friendships have looked like coffee dates and late nights talking cross-legged on the floor. Sampling kombucha and shopping at Walmart and giving each other nicknames. Getting ready for homecoming and studying at the library until it closed and dreaming on the shores of Winona Lake. Sitting through hall meetings half-asleep, going on Dunkin’ runs before class, offering tearful goodbyes before each break.

These girls have been a solace through a difficult period that began my second year. Despite my constant crying and lamenting, my friends have loved me well with hugs and notes and gifts and words and most of all, their faithful presence.

They’ve shown me I don’t have to be at my best to deserve love. I know this because they saw me at my worst and loved me anyway. They make graduation okay, because I know something as paltry as distance and time can’t evaporate what we have.

Professors

I may be biased as an English major, but I think the Department of Humanities has the best Grace faculty around. My literature and creative writing professors have been instrumental in my academic and intellectual formation. They’ve shown me what it looks like to love language enough to make it your career, and they’ve taught me you don’t have to sacrifice craft for truth or truth for craft.

Dr. Cesar Soto is a first-generation Hispanic college student like me, and I’ve taken every class of his. He’s gotten coffee and dinner with me several times to talk about my academic career, and he regularly hosts carne asadas, Mexican cookouts in which carne asada tacos are served, to introduce students to his church.

Dr. John Poch has formed me as a writer. He’s sharp and honest with his criticism, but he cares so deeply about us “kids.” His belief in my gifts pushed me to create work of high caliber, and I know I’ll never write something that hasn’t somehow been colored by his instruction.

Lastly, Dr. Lauren Rich taught the very first English college course I ever took, and she catalyzed my love of literary criticism. I’ll always credit her with introducing me to literature as a craft, not only a source of mindless entertainment.

At Grace, there’s no such thing as slipping through the cracks. The faculty cares too much to let that happen. I consider my professors not only teachers but friends. Truly.

Mentors

College is great for friendships and academic instruction, but it’s also meant to prepare you for a career. That’s why I’ve interned for almost two years as a writer in Grace’s marketing office.

This is where I met Madison, Grace’s content writer and public relations manager. Upon our first meeting, I noted her kindness from her sincere questions and sweet disposition. Ever since then, she’s been a faithful mentor.

The wisdom she’s passed to me is invaluable. Madison taught me how to write a press release, build a creative platform, and edit for grammar and style. She skillfully blends praise with constructive criticism. I remember one afternoon, when I refrained from offering feedback during a meeting and told her so afterward.

“Maria, use your voice,” she urged me. And since then, when I feel afraid to offer my thoughts or opinion, I hear her gentle nudge toward courage in my mind.

Madison has been so much more than a supervisor; she’s been a friend. The day after I experienced a great loss my sophomore year, she sent me home from work early to get rest and invited me over for coffee the next day. As I poured my heart out, she listened and offered her own wisdom. I drove home feeling a great burden lifted from me, the kind of supernatural peace God blesses His children with.

I’ve been to Madison’s house many times since then, mostly to chat while drinking a miel latte (her favorite!) from her espresso machine. I’m just so struck by her heart for the Lord and His people. She is a wonderful example of what it looks like to dedicate every bit of yourself to Him. He has used her to shape my professional and spiritual life here at Grace, and I’m infinitely thankful for it.

In Conclusion

There are so many more relationships I can reference. Dr. Lonnie Anderson, my Essential Doctrinal Themes teacher this year, sparked profound discussion and spoke words of encouragement over me in a time I desperately needed it. I could speak of my classmates, hallmates, English department friends, and fellow Inkspot editors.

Or I could mention my student mentor, RAs, growth group leaders, coworkers, and co-interns. I wouldn’t dare leave out Dr. Deb McEvoy, who stepped into a counseling role this past summer. Even the people who are not in my life anymore have given me a gift: They’ve shown me the kind of love I was not created for.

Every friend, every stranger who’s spoken a kind word, every man and woman I’ve met here has taught me something. I understand these people are blessings from God. They show His love to me, even though I don’t deserve it.

It really does all come down to love. Not the kind of the world, flattery or fickleness. But the kind of love that challenges you to count another more important than yourself. The kind of love that drives a Man to give His life up for His friends. The kind of love that spurs Him to look at His children and pour out not wrath, but grace.

That’s the kind of love I was created for.

Wondering what friendship in college looks like? Read Molly Malick’s senior reflection here.